What exactly is a douchebag?  And how can we spot them?  That is what I want to know; you probably have seen people matching this definition yourself:  The bastard chavs who throw snowballs at you to show how “alpha” they are whenever snow is abound, the cheeseburger sorority birds who “hurr-hurr-hurr” their way past you, even the knucklehead who threatens to “knock you out” in order to get his hands on a grey apron.

Okay, maybe those are specific to me but you get my point.  Douchebags are, for a lot of people, hard to spot and you often don’t know who they even are until it is too late; Even so, I intend to give you some of my findings on how to spot them (hopefully):

Cracked.com page on Douchebags: http://www.cracked.com/funny-420-douchebags/

My words on how to detect their “salvos” incoming

• Often before they strike, they will gaze at you with retarded intent
• They will also pay WAAAAAAAY too much attention to body language, trying to appear alpha when they just look like drunks with gyroscopes fitted to them
• They lack knowledge of the concept of stealth, vocalizing their disapproval with an AUDIBLE whisper
• When they attempt stealth, they are often rumbled by their own loud body language

Popular salvos used:

• A loud “Waaaaaaaaaaaay” followed by taunting for the relatively brave ones
• slight cowards will call you some name or rip into an action of yours, often with so much dipshit-speak your brain will take months to process it
• moderate cowards will whisper some shit followed by “HURR-HURR-HURR”
• utter cowards will turn entire crowds of people against you and they piss off for fear of being found

How to deal with them:

• Don’t bother if you are confident you will not see them regularly
• Do not try to reason:  such talk will not only fall on deaf ears, it will give them ammunition in many cases
• To hell with it, I would talk about standing up to them and shit but seeing as I am incapable of that myself, it just strikes me as hypocrite-ness

Overall, though, do not bother with them; you know how many self-help gurus, in between telling you to “fake-it-till-you-make-it” and telling you how shit you are, say all things in the world don’t happen to you, but are as a result of you (smug-gittle-speak for “look how shit you are!”)?  Let them eat their own words down the line, you may be surprised how shit they really are.

LSL

Following the known standard of “Make sharp point, stab your readers with it, then pull back explaining yourself” used by many successful bloggers and speakers alike, I feel as though I am being victimized for simply being in my situation; a situation which until I stumbled upon places such as the seduction community and self-help had no idea was happening.  I know it all sounds straightforward to all you jocks who have seen it all before and you birds who have heard it all before, but in order for us to actually be motivated by what you say, empathy is a key ingredient; it is what makes the difference between “It is your own fault for attracting that USER into your life” and “Ok, so that was a user, let yourself deal with it and take action to prevent it happening again”; okay, I sense the second one may not be perfect, but it is a step in the right vector.

So, helpers, please take a read of How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie; He may well be dead and the book from Depression-Era America, but it contains some of the best parts you could use to further yourself in the eyes of your audience.  You are a god to them, prove it to them with benevolence and prowess.

I still have a lot of problems in my life, of course; such as (finally I accept this, and SOMEONE will read it as a sign of weakness!)  lack of success with women, lack of interpersonal skills and a general lack of appreciation of what I do right.  I chose very early on in life to improve in other areas, and now I pay the price.

Do you consider yourself a Genius?  Do you have unrivalled talent in any area of life, making you a level 51 in a room of level 10s?  Are you so far up the chain that no-one can really relate with you, despite you and them being so similar in so many ways?

In fact, to save me  explaining this to minute detail when it has already been done-to-death, here I present to you two poignant articles which will point you there if you are lost:

• 5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy (But Won’t)
• Why Intelligent People Tend To Be Unhappy

If you do consider yourself a genius, you will almost certainly know how it is bury your head in the cogs of your inspiration because you feel so hopeless at being human.  You will also know what kind of fury you feel when people try to take these things away from you because it is somehow unfair to have talent and that means being punished by having no friends.

So to all those who can understand my position in life, you may not hove your girls, friends or even any thanks; but mark these words:

“The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone” Henrik Ibsen

LSL

Now, being the self-effacing beta-male which all people in the seduction community seem to think is a terrible thing to be that should be shot, I intend to explain my irrational-ness.  My main quarrel has nothing to do with how those 3 concepts are false and do not deserve a place in anywhere, but the way that it is being sold as a “magic cure-all”, a panacea to all social ills in an instant.

This is simply not possible.  END.  Also, as I forgot to mention this last post, it takes away the ups and downs, struggles and rewards, excellent and shite which makes life WORTHWHILE.  Climbing atop a mountain of my current personality issues, giving you a current example of mine:  Saving money up (I was never good at this), will yield me a life lesson which will forever go down in my personal history as a victory comparable to the repulsion of Operation Citadel.  How could I let new-age stuff (Seriously, what is “new-age”?) snatch that from me?

My advice to anyone who reads this post (as though anyone will at the time of writing but I feel good simply writing my feelings somewhere I won’t get BS regarding my walking speed) is to not get sucked in by marketing tossers who simply take perfectly good advice, bundle it with hypnosis and NLP and other detritus, and sell it using words like “see results instantly!” or “never fear rejection AGAIN!” whereupon now I feel like making a parody ad featuring claims like “utilize your face like never before to make me INSTANTLY appear in front of you and cockslap you like the pussy you are!”

And that is one piece of advice to help you avoid Self Help Hell.

LSL

• See all people blithely pretend I don’t exist
• Observe all women secretly harbouring an unfettered desire to jab a stake into my somehow-inferior face
• Revel in the trumped-up misogynistic fuck-heads  as they plan to steal and destroy all I ever had

I know what you think it sounds like:  Sounds like balls.

It is time to change, but first, let me take advantage of the outrage machine and yell off some hatred with all this new-age self-help psychobabble bullshit.

First of freaking all, HYPNOSIS

I have no idea where to fecking start with this; yeah I know I was searching for that “magic pill”, and trust me, if I ever found that I would go all Louis on you like “PILLZ HERE!”  Anyway, I have a point here, and that is that IT DOESNT FREAKING DELIVER!  I don’t care how any of you out there can say that “I was not doing it RIGHT” or “I didn’t WANT my success to happen”; well, you see, many people in the dumps suffer from self sabotage and if you held true to your words, you wouldn’t need to MAKE A SELF HYPNOSIS MP3 ON SELF-SABOTAGE!

Enough of that, move on!

Second, talk of “ENERGY”

Good god, If I had 1 Mi-24 Hind gunship every time I heard this, I would have enough to make Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 [Invasion of USA for all you non-conformists] happen for REAL.  Now I would have something far better to do with all those gunships other than that, like send them all over people who talk about bullshit “ENERGY” to flatten them, or perhaps just hold helicopter derby races.  Seriously, the only ENERGY I am freaking aware of is the kinetic energy manifesting as sound waves and body language!  The only thing I find more irritating in this context is how people try to make me “FEEL ALL THE GOOD ENERGY” or “THINK ABOUT THE ABUNDANCE”.  A quick look out there will make me swiftly realize that the majority of energy I get ISNT FREAKING GOOD AT ALL, and that “ABUNDANCE” is a real tease!  It is mostly either “Alpha” male cockhammers making elitist comments to me or trying to “out-alpha” me to prove how “wel-ard” they are to their slutbag, prom-night dumpster gfs, who also make passing comments about how my gait is too fast “run boy run” or other shite I care not to mention because it all makes no fucking sense anyway!

Final-fucking-mente,  “Act-As-If”

I’ll keep this short, as I’ll be repeating myself.  This also fails to deliver since it does not account for a simple rule of human psychology, two in fact (yeah i’m REALLY rubbing it in now!); 1:  A human cannot feel awesome forever.  FACT.  Hormones such as serotonin run out, and when that happens, CRASH you feel like shit!  2:  It sends out the OPPOSITE message of what you are trying to send out, e.g:  if you want to appear confident, you’ll try too hard and come off as insecure, because you are COVERING UP THE PROBLEM RATHER THAN DEALING WITH IT!

Enough of my rage though, and I’d rather not continue on about the past in this post.  I have pretty much covered my 3 bases of hate with self help.  I hope you never fall into SELF HELP HELL.

LSL